Memories of life past

As I sit here thinking of my past, not dwelling on it mind you, I can see the good and bad of it. I don't feel like I wish or what if but more like I learned and I enjoyed... I went to the memorial for Ron Haroldsen today. They talked about some of the things that happened around the time John had died and also when the kids were growing up. It was interesting to say the least to see these families, some of which I hadn't seen since they were around 2 and 3. It was nice to know that the kids still knew me or knew about me. I was grateful that I went. The only time I felt awkward was when I talked to the dad. He's still the same oh same oh and for that I mentally smiled. What did I expect? It was a good time in spite of the circumstances. I felt like a chapter was finally closed and that after 26 years I could finally move on. That's a nice feeling.

I've had a perspective on the issues of the last week. Lots of death some of which I wish didn't happen but it did and we must move on. The violence in Clackamas OR, and the mass murders in Newtown, CT. It was devastating to say the least. The whole world was stunned by the news of the deaths of 20 children (between 5 and 7) and 6 adults (teachers and the principal). What a terrible thing to happen. Heavenly Father was there...the school followed the protocol set up and the rest of the children and adults were made safe. I know the reasoning doesn't make since when we try to understand why God didn't intervene and save everyone. It wasn't to be for he had need of these beautiful children and adults. A wonderful blessing for them but at this time, it will be tough for the families and friends left behind, not to mention the rest of the world.

I know that Heavenly Father has plans for us all and I can only hope that I will be worthy to my part. He is there for us. He will guide us and protect us. He loves all of his children. Our hearts were not the only ones that were broken that day...

82nd session of General Conference

Though I only watched the Saturday sessions, I was filled with the spirit. It left me feeling more confident and happy. There was no grey edges on the messages given. It was all straight forward and strong with warnings and compassion.

The various speakers each had a topic concerning our everyday lives. As they spoke you could feel the urgency in their voices and the love in their hearts. Speaking of all the different things we can do to prepare for our future with Heavenly Father and his wonderful son, Jesus Christ.

I will listen to today's sessions this week and prepare a more in depth study of the full session, with that in mind, please remember to follow the Prophets, Seers, and Revelators and accomplish the goals and heed their counsel...with love, Jan

Just feel like posting

Not sure what I want to relate, but gotta start somewhere. Today I seem to feel a bit tired. I don't know for sure if it is a physical tired or an emotional tired.

Perhaps, I am tired of the heat here and am impatient to move to the coastal range. Maybe I'm tired of the boring foods I eat and of worrying about eating too much. I could be tired of all the bad news on my various means of communication. It might be that I'm tired of all my excuses for not accomplishing more of the things I want to do.

Lots of things can make someone tired. For me, it's a matter of impatience most of my life. I've always been in a hurry to have everything done. I'm grateful for the time of accomplishment, but I want it over. Having the time lately to just sit and think of our future and the plans we want to do, has made me wonder if we are taking on too much but then I realize that nothing will be done without help from Heavenly Father. He knows what I want and is waiting for me to ask him. So, what's my problem? It's simple as praying which I do, but not as much as I should I suppose. First getting with him and finding out what order I need to do these things and then to gain the security of his help in the things he thinks I should do.

Being impatient is not a good thing and that's why I am putting off some of my goals (poor reason). I just don't want to rush things too fast. That is lame for sure. By the fact that I am writing this down, shows I am ready to do something about it. I tend to want to see things in writing to see how they really look. Reality is set for me that way.

I gotta say I am getting used to the things I can eat and tolerate. I also am enjoying the time that Gary and I have been using to check out where is best to move and some of the possibilities of what we can afford. I'm also enjoying the results of my weight loss and the energy I am gaining. So I guess being tired can't be too bad a thing now can it?

Not sure if

I am a literary genius today or not, but it has been awhile since I have written here or at the other blog site and since I don't feel up to making momentous decisions, I guess you are stuck with my literary prose. I have been noticing of late that people have been courageous to tell how they feel. Could it be that the meek are speaking out? Or is it that the patient have become impatient...never the less, it is happening. I suppose it's a big thing, but I've noticed that people are not hesitant to speak out when it comes to children and animals.

They are both holding a big place in my heart, those kids and puppies and kittens and...well, you get the idea. The latest snafoo is a situation here in Fresno, CA where once again, an ignorant drunken idiot has managed to plow down three members of a family on two bikes, claiming he didn't "SEE" them. Yet, as he drove away in complete oblivian, he actually had the cajonies to stop and call a 'friend' to tell him he made a big mistake or maybe he worded it more like, I think I did something wrong. His friend, being s wiser individual than himself, told him to go back to the accident sight. Thus, he did...the police immediately gave him the traditional sobriety tests and found his blood alcohol level at 1.1, please remember that .8 is legally drunk. A young life was lost, a little sister has physical and emotional problems for the rest of her life and dad is still in the hospital. Now, the drunk says he didn't know he dragged the boy a good ways before he was disconnected from the car.

Now my questions come. First, to how lawyer...what makes him a good guy because he came back to the scene of the crime? He fled it first which is already a crime isn't it? Second, how can he say he didn't do anything when he actually told a friend something that made the friend advise him to go back. Third, if he didn't know, how did he make it to the right place of the accident... Really? Are you kidding me?

Now, tell me how he thinks he can get away based on ignorance? Is the lawyer going to make him look like a humble, unassuming type? Or is he now a hero for going back to the accident. Not trying to be cold but, if he didn't know he did something, why does he feel remorse and sad? I feel sorry for his family. They have to deal with his ignorance and stupidity... So sad..

I am sorry for the family that lost their little boy and are waiting to know how his dad and baby sister are doing?

Let justice be done in this case... PLEASE!!

Everybody's Talking

about the tragic situation in Aurora, CO...The taking of 12 lives and injury to around 53 others. First thing I heard about this morning after I had gone to the Doctor... James Holmes was 24. He had taken diliberate steps to get his plan to run smoothly. He made a sophisticated bomb set up at his apartment across town and then went to the Cinema Theater complex and got his ticket. He was going to see the new Batman movie at the midnight special showing. He had in a period of 2 months, bought and paid for 4 different guns to use for his plan. He even bought barrel magazines of bullets to use. After the movie began and the audience got into the mood of the movie, he started working his plan. He got out of his seat and opened a side door and blocked it as he moved outside of the theater. When he came back, he was dressed from top to bottom in the gear of a army warrior..(I can't call him a Soldier as it's a name for honor), he had the four guns with him and a couple of canister gas grenades which he tossed into the seating of the audience. The cannisters popped and smoke filled the room...Immediately, he began to shoot into the audience and killed a total of 12 people that were trying to leave, even a 3 month old baby was killed, a young lady who had escaped the same scene in Canada only months earlier was also killed. The irony of who was able to leave on foot or on a stretcher. In total the firing took only a few minutes and then it was over...as he attempted to escape he was captured in the parking lot.

Meanwhile, the police are still trying to figure out how to get into the apartment to find the evidence of the prepration for this murderous ploy. According to his teachers and students who knew him, he was a well rounded type of person, very into learning and very gregarious, yet at the same time, he was quiet and stoic.

I was on such a high before I heard of this account. I was reading in the facebook of a member of congress who made outlandish statements of having a professional or regular person having a gun on himself could possibly have stopped James in his rampade. James had a gas mask, no one else did. How would the person know where James was and be able to shoot the gunman? That pissed me off...I couldn't concentrate on anything else for the rest of the day. It affected my plans and my attitude. Nothing seemed to follow me as hard as it did. I couldn't do anything right. I kept trying to pray for some respite and understanding that would make a demon do this kind of thing to innocent people. I could imagine the fear and unreasoning on the faces of the victims. I small room full of over 300 people  caught in chairs with no place to hide or get away. Yes, some did find a way and even some injured were able to get out of the movie theater with rescue units to help and take them to various hospitals in the area. I could not fathom the feelings this young man had, but also it scared me as I know how it feels to be in anxiety and depressed. I have Fibromyalgia, and in comparison to his situation, it is miniscule, but none the less, under different circumstances, I could be me out there doing dangerous things to others. I thank god that I was finally able to clear my head enough to pray for reason to stop my anger. He stepped in immediately and I felt fine after wards...

My Doctor visit? the first after my surgery last week...I LOST 10 lbs!!!

Ok, I don't usually have gripes BUT:

Today I am frustrated about something I heard on TV... I'm not into the conversations that were had in this case but the situation itself.

It seems that George Zimmerman went on Shawn Hannity's TV show yesterday and gave him an interview, which in itself is not a problem as anyone he wishes can interview. Here is where the stickler is... He had requested an interview with ABC's Barbara Walters for 20/20, upon arrival at the studios, he showed up dressed in T-shirt and Jeans. While he had dressed in a really expensive suit on Hannity. He then proclaimed that he wasn't doing the interview as he had some conditions that ABC would not agree too. All the while he complained about the lack of "money" and the "desperate" need he had for it. Barbara was very upset.

Now, knowing his "need" for money is desperate for him and his family, it makes me wonder how much the Hannity show paid him to show? Also, it was hinted by Barbara that Hannity must have advised Zimmerman not to do the interview.

My frustration is with the fact that Mr. Zimmerman showed his true colors wanting the money before anything. Yes, his family is in hiding because of death threats. Yes, he has to take care of an ailing mom and supply the needs of the family. I couldn't get the type of money he is suddenly demanding if I was accused of killing someone.

I think it is disgusting that we as Americans must continue to support a trial on someone that is so devious that he has to BEG for hundreds of thousands of dollars to survive. For goodness sake. Please get it people. And stop supporting an idiot. I'm not saying he is guilty, it's not my job, but please let this be on equal terms ok?

Dream or Premonition?

Last night I had a strange dream. I did something I never thought I would do...I woke up and jotted down some notes...so, here goes...
My dad was driving a large size SUV, Purple and tan color, I believe it was a Mazda...color dreams. We left  the town of Riverdale and drove to Hanford, CA...as we were driving the streets of Hanford, we had some really nice wide streets and suddenly we were on dirt roads, I recognized the area as around Durango, CO or maybe Red Mesa...strange, but that's how dreams go. As we continued to drive down these dirt roads, they turned into wooden logs, flat like a raft, we sojourned on and actually ended up on a full sustaining log road (I mean one large consistantly long log). Water surrounded us like a rice field, but there was no slippage  on the road, it lead us to a typical looking Ranch style, flat roofed house, of the color of white with brick red fringe. Others in the car were: Me, Suzie, Kathy and Robert. Dad was excited to show us this house.

We entered the home through a single wide door, the hallway was huge and spacious, as we entered, the house took on a larger stature, and we began to go into the living room. It was strange because we seemed to retrace steps to see every piece of furniture (furnished?) by walking past each one. Like, for instance, we walked on the outside of the couch, and then walked on the inside and saw the coffee table, turned around and found the side chairs and then ventured into the kitchen. There we stopped to see a young girl (one of Bob's granddaughters)  watching an older woman making some type of sauce, as we passed, the woman was telling the girl to be careful and softly beat the butter (it was melted) as she added the sugar to it..."We don't want foam, just a gentle flowing yellow softness." the lady said...Then, we went on to the hallways and that's where things got kinda weird. Each of us ventured into a separate room and declared it ours. Mine was a simple twin bed and a nice looking dresser with a wardrobe next to the far wall. I went to see Suzie's room and it was huge with two or three bedrooms off from the main one and a large bathroom between two of the smaller bedrooms, as I went to explore those, they seemed to break off into other sets of bedrooms and bathrooms. I started back towards my room and discovered the same thing. I had two major bedrooms off to the side of my room and a gathering of smaller bedrooms and bathrooms off from each. As I went into the hallway, I noticed a small elevator and went up stairs, There, my dad and my brother Robert were talking about getting the rest of the family over to this house as we were all going to settle down here together. Dad looked at me and said, "Do you suppose you will have trouble getting your family over here?" I shook my head as if to indicate it wouldn't be a problem. We continued to look around the house and it had developed into a large five story place with private rooms and family quarters for every member of the Green Family, Meadows family, and all the rest...All 7 kids with their family members and spouses (for those who had one), even those who had passed in the last 5 years or so. I mentioned earlier that we had gone into Colorado so, we had gone into the mountains.

 Another thing about this dream, was that we had stayed a few days to get our settlements in order. We went to church the following Sunday and Dad and Robert went to Priesthood meeting, They called a special group meeting where all the women, men and youth were invited. The children were left to be in Primary with a crew of 12 and 13 year old boys and girls to attend to them with music and stories. We were advised that the fast collections of the church were so large now that they had decided to start giving monetary assistance to the families less fortunate. The member was advised to find out how much exactly they would need, say to repair the roof. They were given the money needed and a allotted amount of time, if they did the project and it came out cheaper, they would give the difference back to help in another cause. If they failed to finish the project, or they tried to keep the money, it was taken away and they were punished. Various projects were constructed, finishing with everyone having a more organized situation for their homes and families. There was peace and structure throughout the area.

As I sit now and think of this, it occurs to me that it is a mixture of many things that I have done in the last few weeks or that Gary and I had talked about. When I look at the steps taken, it occurs also to me that we had started practicing Conservationism or the sharing programs described in the Doctrine and Covenants. It also shows that we had been advised to go to the mountains and high places as also described in the Doctrine and Covenants. I don't know the timing of all these steps and maybe I am just imagining what it might be like at that time, but it was interesting how quickly everyone accepted their responsibilities and went on with the plan. It also seems we lived in Ward boundaries and had set areas for each family. I was so grateful to see this firsthand in my dream and maybe, reality is part of the reason I had the dream in the first place...