Sometimes it take a random thought to figure out what to write about. I read a post from one of my FB friends whom I communicate with online regularly. I never thought it was a problem what she brought out but maybe it really is.
People tend to follow you on the various places, spaces and blogs that you can formulate or create. What have you. I never really made it a point to check to see who follows, likes, stalks or hates what I write but I suppose I might should? Anyways, she mentioned in her own original way to the stalkers, fake-os and the like to GO AWAY! I can't stand you! That's the way she is..and she's right! I have had some disagreements in the past of people begging me not to share pictures or private information, so because I love them, I don't share it. My only question is this...if they aren't FB friends, how the hell would they know? Do they have spies all over my page? Do they lurk in the background just to spring on me at that one precarious moment when the fibro fog sets in and a picture or fact "accidentally" gets released? Just to pounce on me through various channels of communication? Or, do they just have nothing better to do but rattle my cage...any ways, I hope if they see this they will realize that my intentions here are honorable, just to find answers and not to pick fights. If you can really be offended by little ol' me, I feel really sorry that your life is that thinly transparent. I however, do not feel this way to my friends and family. Cuz, I'm proud of all of them, thus why I post pictures, make statements and randomly laugh or share happenings in my life. In a nutshell, I've got nuthin' ta hide. I really don't!
I am who I am. I've had many years where I would NEVER have the courage or balls to be me. I've always been outspoken, though many years of suppression have done their dirty work on my psychotic persona. I've had. Years of mental thinking, paranoia and the like, self hate and disgust in myself for how I look, act or even feel. It's taken it's tole. These last few years, I've been trying to come back to the real me, with improvements, more or less. Finding my own inner peace has caused me many sleepless nights, and will continue to do as much. I've discovered what everyone else has in this. Funny huh? That I find out that I am who I am, and no one is exactly like me. Sure, I have family and social traits that I've gained over the years through my acquaintances and friends, co workers, religious contacts and the like, but when it comes down to it, I am me!
Yes, I've made stupid mistakes and made people upset, lost friends and even family contacts. I'm sorry for them and the anger they chose to blame me for. Perhaps it's their turn to realize that you are the only ones feeling that way. That you are the one who has to learn that not everyone is out to get you. It's probably their time to search their souls, through prayers, writings or what have you. To wake up and understand that it's not all about YOU! If I write or share information about you, it's because I am either happy with what you represent to me or that I love you and I'm damn proud to be a part of your life. If you can't take that for fact, then I'm sorry and it is time for you and me to move on. I will always remember the good times, but I can't Waller in self-pity and I'm not gonna do it for you or anyone else... So as my friend says..."get the xxxxx outta my life if you can't take my love how I give it. I don't need your drama.. Heaven forbids, I've got enough of my own..
