The only way you can find how I REALLY feel

Check here if you want to see my complaints, problems and solutions...cuz I is one crazy lady...

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Dream or Premonition?

Last night I had a strange dream. I did something I never thought I would do...I woke up and jotted down some, here goes...
My dad was driving a large size SUV, Purple and tan color, I believe it was a Mazda...color dreams. We left  the town of Riverdale and drove to Hanford, we were driving the streets of Hanford, we had some really nice wide streets and suddenly we were on dirt roads, I recognized the area as around Durango, CO or maybe Red Mesa...strange, but that's how dreams go. As we continued to drive down these dirt roads, they turned into wooden logs, flat like a raft, we sojourned on and actually ended up on a full sustaining log road (I mean one large consistantly long log). Water surrounded us like a rice field, but there was no slippage  on the road, it lead us to a typical looking Ranch style, flat roofed house, of the color of white with brick red fringe. Others in the car were: Me, Suzie, Kathy and Robert. Dad was excited to show us this house.

We entered the home through a single wide door, the hallway was huge and spacious, as we entered, the house took on a larger stature, and we began to go into the living room. It was strange because we seemed to retrace steps to see every piece of furniture (furnished?) by walking past each one. Like, for instance, we walked on the outside of the couch, and then walked on the inside and saw the coffee table, turned around and found the side chairs and then ventured into the kitchen. There we stopped to see a young girl (one of Bob's granddaughters)  watching an older woman making some type of sauce, as we passed, the woman was telling the girl to be careful and softly beat the butter (it was melted) as she added the sugar to it..."We don't want foam, just a gentle flowing yellow softness." the lady said...Then, we went on to the hallways and that's where things got kinda weird. Each of us ventured into a separate room and declared it ours. Mine was a simple twin bed and a nice looking dresser with a wardrobe next to the far wall. I went to see Suzie's room and it was huge with two or three bedrooms off from the main one and a large bathroom between two of the smaller bedrooms, as I went to explore those, they seemed to break off into other sets of bedrooms and bathrooms. I started back towards my room and discovered the same thing. I had two major bedrooms off to the side of my room and a gathering of smaller bedrooms and bathrooms off from each. As I went into the hallway, I noticed a small elevator and went up stairs, There, my dad and my brother Robert were talking about getting the rest of the family over to this house as we were all going to settle down here together. Dad looked at me and said, "Do you suppose you will have trouble getting your family over here?" I shook my head as if to indicate it wouldn't be a problem. We continued to look around the house and it had developed into a large five story place with private rooms and family quarters for every member of the Green Family, Meadows family, and all the rest...All 7 kids with their family members and spouses (for those who had one), even those who had passed in the last 5 years or so. I mentioned earlier that we had gone into Colorado so, we had gone into the mountains.

 Another thing about this dream, was that we had stayed a few days to get our settlements in order. We went to church the following Sunday and Dad and Robert went to Priesthood meeting, They called a special group meeting where all the women, men and youth were invited. The children were left to be in Primary with a crew of 12 and 13 year old boys and girls to attend to them with music and stories. We were advised that the fast collections of the church were so large now that they had decided to start giving monetary assistance to the families less fortunate. The member was advised to find out how much exactly they would need, say to repair the roof. They were given the money needed and a allotted amount of time, if they did the project and it came out cheaper, they would give the difference back to help in another cause. If they failed to finish the project, or they tried to keep the money, it was taken away and they were punished. Various projects were constructed, finishing with everyone having a more organized situation for their homes and families. There was peace and structure throughout the area.

As I sit now and think of this, it occurs to me that it is a mixture of many things that I have done in the last few weeks or that Gary and I had talked about. When I look at the steps taken, it occurs also to me that we had started practicing Conservationism or the sharing programs described in the Doctrine and Covenants. It also shows that we had been advised to go to the mountains and high places as also described in the Doctrine and Covenants. I don't know the timing of all these steps and maybe I am just imagining what it might be like at that time, but it was interesting how quickly everyone accepted their responsibilities and went on with the plan. It also seems we lived in Ward boundaries and had set areas for each family. I was so grateful to see this firsthand in my dream and maybe, reality is part of the reason I had the dream in the first place...

Friday, June 22, 2012


In two ways today.. Sure wish I could be psychic. I guess I learned again how people and moods can be.

I've been having a tough last few days. The fibro is acting up to a major flare that hurts in so many ways, of course it makes me emotional and teary but I've been to myself about it except for sharing feelings with fellow sufferers of the disease. So, after spending a major portion of the day buried in my room, I ventured out to visit the family..

Wasn't there very long when a big misunderstanding came up and I was back in my room. Probably should have stayed there in the first place.

Sometimes we do things out of fear, anger, frustration and emotion , which is always my biggest killer. I don't think well when I'm all wound up. Tonight, I hope to once again resolve my issues and be a better person.

Heavenly Father keeps reminding me to check my temper and keep control of my anger. I know that lately I have tried so hard to maintain a positive attitude and to keep my spirits high.. Hopefully after much prayer and supplication, I will regain my composure and keep a good attitude.

Friday, June 15, 2012


is often used for personal gain. I tend to pray for others more than asking for myself. Somehow, I feel I don't deserve the assistance or the need. I know it's not true but I need to deal with that myself...through what else? Prayer. None the less, here's what I am writing about today.

I've noticed a lot of requests for prayer, especially in Facebook, and special notices I receive. I feel it is my duty to help and assist all those who I can. Perhaps it's kind of imposing for me to write this but, How many times do you promise each day or at least a few times a week, to pray for somebody. I know I do this quite a lot. By the end of the timeframe, I have at least a half dozen people to pray for. Since I have a very short memory (some say NO memory) I juxtapose and pray for all to have the needs of their hearts and lives. Sometimes I feel pretty good at that remark, others' I feel confused. I feel as if I have gipped someone of the personal one on one that I think they need to get their prayer answered. Then, I realize that as long as I am sincere, it doesn't really matter how I say the prayer because the true meaning is connecting to God and asking for the assistance.

These last few weeks, I have noticed that friends and family have had need of prayer. Perhaps it's because I have attuned myself to be in the right place at the right time, or maybe it's something for me to practice more often than I have in the past. I only hope I am worthy to ask for help for me sometimes, I know Satan is trying me and keeping me from realizing my needs and wants. Perhaps, if I get into praying sincerely for others as I try, I will be able to finally ask for the assistance I need for myself. My life has always been others first...Me last, but I know Heavenly Father says to take care of your needs, then your children, your mate and finally the rest of the world, family and friends included.

I guess that means I have it backwards...I hope that it's all good for everyone, and I will be more honestly asking for the help I need. After all, he has done so much for me even if I'm not asking. What more will he do if I just ask? Also, follow up the prayer with supplication and more prayer...If you really want something, you really must work for it..

Using faith, we can attain a better understanding of prayer and what it really means...Listen to your heart and always remember, prayer is never meaningless and always a necessity...Prayer is the way to communicate with God..People make jokes about cell phone, texts and Heavenly Father, but if you put as much work into prayer as you do with the technology... our line is always open and we never have dropped calls...

Wednesday, June 13, 2012


Why is it that people, media and the like have to ask such common sense questions on moral behavior? It bothers me beyond distraction that the morals of this country are sliding (as in water slide speed) to the depths of darkness.

Things like killing, cursing and abuse. These shouldn't be questioned. Any law abiding citizen knows that these ills and others shouldn't be happening at all.

It bothers me intently that people have no thought of how their actions affect the rest of the world. It's ok to kill someone who harms your children, it's ok to curse at the top of your lungs with little ones sitting or playing in hearing distance. It amazes me how parents punish their children in such Bavarian ways. Good grief! Do we live in the stone age or something?

No, I don't like abusers, sexual predators, killers, liars, theives, just to name a few. Who am I to usurp punishment? Who am I to say its ok to kill someone because they hurt my child? I don't like what they did, but it does take me down to their level.

God is our final judge. Man cannot put themselves at a higher level than God. We do not meet out punishment except as Judges and Jurors in a trial. I wouldn't want to be punished by anyone who doesn't have the proper authority. Heavenly Father is the great I AM, the Alpha and Omega.

I know I'm not perfect, I think I'll let the Almighty handle punishment in his own way..

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Adjustable life

When you need to take in a waistline on a pair of pants, you are adjusting it, making it conform to a new fit. If you tighten a fret on a guitar, you are adjusting the pitch on the string. Also, if you add more salt to your pot of beans, you are adjusting the recipe.
It's the same with life...making choices on what you want to do in the future. As for me, I have made a decision to lose weight. Because of this choice, I will be making a big step this next week. I am having my consultation with the surgeon who will be doing my RNY procedure. I am excited and needless to say, scared also. I know it's a good thing and that after I heal, I will feel better. It's a good choice for sure..
I can only pray for the strength to go on.. It is the first thing that I won't fail at, no matter what I must do to accomplish it...after all it is an adjustment.