The only way you can find how I REALLY feel

Check here if you want to see my complaints, problems and solutions...cuz I is one crazy lady...

Monday, December 17, 2012

Memories of life past

As I sit here thinking of my past, not dwelling on it mind you, I can see the good and bad of it. I don't feel like I wish or what if but more like I learned and I enjoyed... I went to the memorial for Ron Haroldsen today. They talked about some of the things that happened around the time John had died and also when the kids were growing up. It was interesting to say the least to see these families, some of which I hadn't seen since they were around 2 and 3. It was nice to know that the kids still knew me or knew about me. I was grateful that I went. The only time I felt awkward was when I talked to the dad. He's still the same oh same oh and for that I mentally smiled. What did I expect? It was a good time in spite of the circumstances. I felt like a chapter was finally closed and that after 26 years I could finally move on. That's a nice feeling.

I've had a perspective on the issues of the last week. Lots of death some of which I wish didn't happen but it did and we must move on. The violence in Clackamas OR, and the mass murders in Newtown, CT. It was devastating to say the least. The whole world was stunned by the news of the deaths of 20 children (between 5 and 7) and 6 adults (teachers and the principal). What a terrible thing to happen. Heavenly Father was there...the school followed the protocol set up and the rest of the children and adults were made safe. I know the reasoning doesn't make since when we try to understand why God didn't intervene and save everyone. It wasn't to be for he had need of these beautiful children and adults. A wonderful blessing for them but at this time, it will be tough for the families and friends left behind, not to mention the rest of the world.

I know that Heavenly Father has plans for us all and I can only hope that I will be worthy to my part. He is there for us. He will guide us and protect us. He loves all of his children. Our hearts were not the only ones that were broken that day...

Sunday, October 7, 2012

82nd session of General Conference

Though I only watched the Saturday sessions, I was filled with the spirit. It left me feeling more confident and happy. There was no grey edges on the messages given. It was all straight forward and strong with warnings and compassion.

The various speakers each had a topic concerning our everyday lives. As they spoke you could feel the urgency in their voices and the love in their hearts. Speaking of all the different things we can do to prepare for our future with Heavenly Father and his wonderful son, Jesus Christ.

I will listen to today's sessions this week and prepare a more in depth study of the full session, with that in mind, please remember to follow the Prophets, Seers, and Revelators and accomplish the goals and heed their counsel...with love, Jan

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Just feel like posting

Not sure what I want to relate, but gotta start somewhere. Today I seem to feel a bit tired. I don't know for sure if it is a physical tired or an emotional tired.

Perhaps, I am tired of the heat here and am impatient to move to the coastal range. Maybe I'm tired of the boring foods I eat and of worrying about eating too much. I could be tired of all the bad news on my various means of communication. It might be that I'm tired of all my excuses for not accomplishing more of the things I want to do.

Lots of things can make someone tired. For me, it's a matter of impatience most of my life. I've always been in a hurry to have everything done. I'm grateful for the time of accomplishment, but I want it over. Having the time lately to just sit and think of our future and the plans we want to do, has made me wonder if we are taking on too much but then I realize that nothing will be done without help from Heavenly Father. He knows what I want and is waiting for me to ask him. So, what's my problem? It's simple as praying which I do, but not as much as I should I suppose. First getting with him and finding out what order I need to do these things and then to gain the security of his help in the things he thinks I should do.

Being impatient is not a good thing and that's why I am putting off some of my goals (poor reason). I just don't want to rush things too fast. That is lame for sure. By the fact that I am writing this down, shows I am ready to do something about it. I tend to want to see things in writing to see how they really look. Reality is set for me that way.

I gotta say I am getting used to the things I can eat and tolerate. I also am enjoying the time that Gary and I have been using to check out where is best to move and some of the possibilities of what we can afford. I'm also enjoying the results of my weight loss and the energy I am gaining. So I guess being tired can't be too bad a thing now can it?

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Not sure if

I am a literary genius today or not, but it has been awhile since I have written here or at the other blog site and since I don't feel up to making momentous decisions, I guess you are stuck with my literary prose. I have been noticing of late that people have been courageous to tell how they feel. Could it be that the meek are speaking out? Or is it that the patient have become impatient...never the less, it is happening. I suppose it's a big thing, but I've noticed that people are not hesitant to speak out when it comes to children and animals.

They are both holding a big place in my heart, those kids and puppies and kittens and...well, you get the idea. The latest snafoo is a situation here in Fresno, CA where once again, an ignorant drunken idiot has managed to plow down three members of a family on two bikes, claiming he didn't "SEE" them. Yet, as he drove away in complete oblivian, he actually had the cajonies to stop and call a 'friend' to tell him he made a big mistake or maybe he worded it more like, I think I did something wrong. His friend, being s wiser individual than himself, told him to go back to the accident sight. Thus, he did...the police immediately gave him the traditional sobriety tests and found his blood alcohol level at 1.1, please remember that .8 is legally drunk. A young life was lost, a little sister has physical and emotional problems for the rest of her life and dad is still in the hospital. Now, the drunk says he didn't know he dragged the boy a good ways before he was disconnected from the car.

Now my questions come. First, to how lawyer...what makes him a good guy because he came back to the scene of the crime? He fled it first which is already a crime isn't it? Second, how can he say he didn't do anything when he actually told a friend something that made the friend advise him to go back. Third, if he didn't know, how did he make it to the right place of the accident... Really? Are you kidding me?

Now, tell me how he thinks he can get away based on ignorance? Is the lawyer going to make him look like a humble, unassuming type? Or is he now a hero for going back to the accident. Not trying to be cold but, if he didn't know he did something, why does he feel remorse and sad? I feel sorry for his family. They have to deal with his ignorance and stupidity... So sad..

I am sorry for the family that lost their little boy and are waiting to know how his dad and baby sister are doing?

Let justice be done in this case... PLEASE!!

Friday, July 20, 2012

Everybody's Talking

about the tragic situation in Aurora, CO...The taking of 12 lives and injury to around 53 others. First thing I heard about this morning after I had gone to the Doctor... James Holmes was 24. He had taken diliberate steps to get his plan to run smoothly. He made a sophisticated bomb set up at his apartment across town and then went to the Cinema Theater complex and got his ticket. He was going to see the new Batman movie at the midnight special showing. He had in a period of 2 months, bought and paid for 4 different guns to use for his plan. He even bought barrel magazines of bullets to use. After the movie began and the audience got into the mood of the movie, he started working his plan. He got out of his seat and opened a side door and blocked it as he moved outside of the theater. When he came back, he was dressed from top to bottom in the gear of a army warrior..(I can't call him a Soldier as it's a name for honor), he had the four guns with him and a couple of canister gas grenades which he tossed into the seating of the audience. The cannisters popped and smoke filled the room...Immediately, he began to shoot into the audience and killed a total of 12 people that were trying to leave, even a 3 month old baby was killed, a young lady who had escaped the same scene in Canada only months earlier was also killed. The irony of who was able to leave on foot or on a stretcher. In total the firing took only a few minutes and then it was he attempted to escape he was captured in the parking lot.

Meanwhile, the police are still trying to figure out how to get into the apartment to find the evidence of the prepration for this murderous ploy. According to his teachers and students who knew him, he was a well rounded type of person, very into learning and very gregarious, yet at the same time, he was quiet and stoic.

I was on such a high before I heard of this account. I was reading in the facebook of a member of congress who made outlandish statements of having a professional or regular person having a gun on himself could possibly have stopped James in his rampade. James had a gas mask, no one else did. How would the person know where James was and be able to shoot the gunman? That pissed me off...I couldn't concentrate on anything else for the rest of the day. It affected my plans and my attitude. Nothing seemed to follow me as hard as it did. I couldn't do anything right. I kept trying to pray for some respite and understanding that would make a demon do this kind of thing to innocent people. I could imagine the fear and unreasoning on the faces of the victims. I small room full of over 300 people  caught in chairs with no place to hide or get away. Yes, some did find a way and even some injured were able to get out of the movie theater with rescue units to help and take them to various hospitals in the area. I could not fathom the feelings this young man had, but also it scared me as I know how it feels to be in anxiety and depressed. I have Fibromyalgia, and in comparison to his situation, it is miniscule, but none the less, under different circumstances, I could be me out there doing dangerous things to others. I thank god that I was finally able to clear my head enough to pray for reason to stop my anger. He stepped in immediately and I felt fine after wards...

My Doctor visit? the first after my surgery last week...I LOST 10 lbs!!!

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Ok, I don't usually have gripes BUT:

Today I am frustrated about something I heard on TV... I'm not into the conversations that were had in this case but the situation itself.

It seems that George Zimmerman went on Shawn Hannity's TV show yesterday and gave him an interview, which in itself is not a problem as anyone he wishes can interview. Here is where the stickler is... He had requested an interview with ABC's Barbara Walters for 20/20, upon arrival at the studios, he showed up dressed in T-shirt and Jeans. While he had dressed in a really expensive suit on Hannity. He then proclaimed that he wasn't doing the interview as he had some conditions that ABC would not agree too. All the while he complained about the lack of "money" and the "desperate" need he had for it. Barbara was very upset.

Now, knowing his "need" for money is desperate for him and his family, it makes me wonder how much the Hannity show paid him to show? Also, it was hinted by Barbara that Hannity must have advised Zimmerman not to do the interview.

My frustration is with the fact that Mr. Zimmerman showed his true colors wanting the money before anything. Yes, his family is in hiding because of death threats. Yes, he has to take care of an ailing mom and supply the needs of the family. I couldn't get the type of money he is suddenly demanding if I was accused of killing someone.

I think it is disgusting that we as Americans must continue to support a trial on someone that is so devious that he has to BEG for hundreds of thousands of dollars to survive. For goodness sake. Please get it people. And stop supporting an idiot. I'm not saying he is guilty, it's not my job, but please let this be on equal terms ok?

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Dream or Premonition?

Last night I had a strange dream. I did something I never thought I would do...I woke up and jotted down some, here goes...
My dad was driving a large size SUV, Purple and tan color, I believe it was a Mazda...color dreams. We left  the town of Riverdale and drove to Hanford, we were driving the streets of Hanford, we had some really nice wide streets and suddenly we were on dirt roads, I recognized the area as around Durango, CO or maybe Red Mesa...strange, but that's how dreams go. As we continued to drive down these dirt roads, they turned into wooden logs, flat like a raft, we sojourned on and actually ended up on a full sustaining log road (I mean one large consistantly long log). Water surrounded us like a rice field, but there was no slippage  on the road, it lead us to a typical looking Ranch style, flat roofed house, of the color of white with brick red fringe. Others in the car were: Me, Suzie, Kathy and Robert. Dad was excited to show us this house.

We entered the home through a single wide door, the hallway was huge and spacious, as we entered, the house took on a larger stature, and we began to go into the living room. It was strange because we seemed to retrace steps to see every piece of furniture (furnished?) by walking past each one. Like, for instance, we walked on the outside of the couch, and then walked on the inside and saw the coffee table, turned around and found the side chairs and then ventured into the kitchen. There we stopped to see a young girl (one of Bob's granddaughters)  watching an older woman making some type of sauce, as we passed, the woman was telling the girl to be careful and softly beat the butter (it was melted) as she added the sugar to it..."We don't want foam, just a gentle flowing yellow softness." the lady said...Then, we went on to the hallways and that's where things got kinda weird. Each of us ventured into a separate room and declared it ours. Mine was a simple twin bed and a nice looking dresser with a wardrobe next to the far wall. I went to see Suzie's room and it was huge with two or three bedrooms off from the main one and a large bathroom between two of the smaller bedrooms, as I went to explore those, they seemed to break off into other sets of bedrooms and bathrooms. I started back towards my room and discovered the same thing. I had two major bedrooms off to the side of my room and a gathering of smaller bedrooms and bathrooms off from each. As I went into the hallway, I noticed a small elevator and went up stairs, There, my dad and my brother Robert were talking about getting the rest of the family over to this house as we were all going to settle down here together. Dad looked at me and said, "Do you suppose you will have trouble getting your family over here?" I shook my head as if to indicate it wouldn't be a problem. We continued to look around the house and it had developed into a large five story place with private rooms and family quarters for every member of the Green Family, Meadows family, and all the rest...All 7 kids with their family members and spouses (for those who had one), even those who had passed in the last 5 years or so. I mentioned earlier that we had gone into Colorado so, we had gone into the mountains.

 Another thing about this dream, was that we had stayed a few days to get our settlements in order. We went to church the following Sunday and Dad and Robert went to Priesthood meeting, They called a special group meeting where all the women, men and youth were invited. The children were left to be in Primary with a crew of 12 and 13 year old boys and girls to attend to them with music and stories. We were advised that the fast collections of the church were so large now that they had decided to start giving monetary assistance to the families less fortunate. The member was advised to find out how much exactly they would need, say to repair the roof. They were given the money needed and a allotted amount of time, if they did the project and it came out cheaper, they would give the difference back to help in another cause. If they failed to finish the project, or they tried to keep the money, it was taken away and they were punished. Various projects were constructed, finishing with everyone having a more organized situation for their homes and families. There was peace and structure throughout the area.

As I sit now and think of this, it occurs to me that it is a mixture of many things that I have done in the last few weeks or that Gary and I had talked about. When I look at the steps taken, it occurs also to me that we had started practicing Conservationism or the sharing programs described in the Doctrine and Covenants. It also shows that we had been advised to go to the mountains and high places as also described in the Doctrine and Covenants. I don't know the timing of all these steps and maybe I am just imagining what it might be like at that time, but it was interesting how quickly everyone accepted their responsibilities and went on with the plan. It also seems we lived in Ward boundaries and had set areas for each family. I was so grateful to see this firsthand in my dream and maybe, reality is part of the reason I had the dream in the first place...

Friday, June 22, 2012


In two ways today.. Sure wish I could be psychic. I guess I learned again how people and moods can be.

I've been having a tough last few days. The fibro is acting up to a major flare that hurts in so many ways, of course it makes me emotional and teary but I've been to myself about it except for sharing feelings with fellow sufferers of the disease. So, after spending a major portion of the day buried in my room, I ventured out to visit the family..

Wasn't there very long when a big misunderstanding came up and I was back in my room. Probably should have stayed there in the first place.

Sometimes we do things out of fear, anger, frustration and emotion , which is always my biggest killer. I don't think well when I'm all wound up. Tonight, I hope to once again resolve my issues and be a better person.

Heavenly Father keeps reminding me to check my temper and keep control of my anger. I know that lately I have tried so hard to maintain a positive attitude and to keep my spirits high.. Hopefully after much prayer and supplication, I will regain my composure and keep a good attitude.

Friday, June 15, 2012


is often used for personal gain. I tend to pray for others more than asking for myself. Somehow, I feel I don't deserve the assistance or the need. I know it's not true but I need to deal with that myself...through what else? Prayer. None the less, here's what I am writing about today.

I've noticed a lot of requests for prayer, especially in Facebook, and special notices I receive. I feel it is my duty to help and assist all those who I can. Perhaps it's kind of imposing for me to write this but, How many times do you promise each day or at least a few times a week, to pray for somebody. I know I do this quite a lot. By the end of the timeframe, I have at least a half dozen people to pray for. Since I have a very short memory (some say NO memory) I juxtapose and pray for all to have the needs of their hearts and lives. Sometimes I feel pretty good at that remark, others' I feel confused. I feel as if I have gipped someone of the personal one on one that I think they need to get their prayer answered. Then, I realize that as long as I am sincere, it doesn't really matter how I say the prayer because the true meaning is connecting to God and asking for the assistance.

These last few weeks, I have noticed that friends and family have had need of prayer. Perhaps it's because I have attuned myself to be in the right place at the right time, or maybe it's something for me to practice more often than I have in the past. I only hope I am worthy to ask for help for me sometimes, I know Satan is trying me and keeping me from realizing my needs and wants. Perhaps, if I get into praying sincerely for others as I try, I will be able to finally ask for the assistance I need for myself. My life has always been others first...Me last, but I know Heavenly Father says to take care of your needs, then your children, your mate and finally the rest of the world, family and friends included.

I guess that means I have it backwards...I hope that it's all good for everyone, and I will be more honestly asking for the help I need. After all, he has done so much for me even if I'm not asking. What more will he do if I just ask? Also, follow up the prayer with supplication and more prayer...If you really want something, you really must work for it..

Using faith, we can attain a better understanding of prayer and what it really means...Listen to your heart and always remember, prayer is never meaningless and always a necessity...Prayer is the way to communicate with God..People make jokes about cell phone, texts and Heavenly Father, but if you put as much work into prayer as you do with the technology... our line is always open and we never have dropped calls...

Wednesday, June 13, 2012


Why is it that people, media and the like have to ask such common sense questions on moral behavior? It bothers me beyond distraction that the morals of this country are sliding (as in water slide speed) to the depths of darkness.

Things like killing, cursing and abuse. These shouldn't be questioned. Any law abiding citizen knows that these ills and others shouldn't be happening at all.

It bothers me intently that people have no thought of how their actions affect the rest of the world. It's ok to kill someone who harms your children, it's ok to curse at the top of your lungs with little ones sitting or playing in hearing distance. It amazes me how parents punish their children in such Bavarian ways. Good grief! Do we live in the stone age or something?

No, I don't like abusers, sexual predators, killers, liars, theives, just to name a few. Who am I to usurp punishment? Who am I to say its ok to kill someone because they hurt my child? I don't like what they did, but it does take me down to their level.

God is our final judge. Man cannot put themselves at a higher level than God. We do not meet out punishment except as Judges and Jurors in a trial. I wouldn't want to be punished by anyone who doesn't have the proper authority. Heavenly Father is the great I AM, the Alpha and Omega.

I know I'm not perfect, I think I'll let the Almighty handle punishment in his own way..

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Adjustable life

When you need to take in a waistline on a pair of pants, you are adjusting it, making it conform to a new fit. If you tighten a fret on a guitar, you are adjusting the pitch on the string. Also, if you add more salt to your pot of beans, you are adjusting the recipe.
It's the same with life...making choices on what you want to do in the future. As for me, I have made a decision to lose weight. Because of this choice, I will be making a big step this next week. I am having my consultation with the surgeon who will be doing my RNY procedure. I am excited and needless to say, scared also. I know it's a good thing and that after I heal, I will feel better. It's a good choice for sure..
I can only pray for the strength to go on.. It is the first thing that I won't fail at, no matter what I must do to accomplish it...after all it is an adjustment.

Monday, May 28, 2012

God Bless America

Today, my husband and I went to the American Legion post 509 here in Fresno, CA... I looked around at all the older and younger gentlemen, (yes I wrote gentlemen) wearing their representation of their services, looking proud and resolute. It was an honor to stand by and sit by them. We had a quick lunch of hotdogs and salads, and small cupcakes with a drink. All free of course as Gary had his Disabled Veteran Hat on. Though no one there knew us they still honored him as a soldier. We left there and came home to the house, they had given us enough food to feed our grandson so we dropped it off to him.
We then headed over to the Veteran's of Foreign Wars and got there early enough to meet some more wonderful veterans. I talked to a couple of them who had fought in Korea to save the south from the north. It also was an honor to meet people out there as well, again they wore their service representation also looking proud. It felt so neat being there and just sharing some of their war stories, maybe a bit embellished, but what the heck! They deserve the observance they received this day, this weekend. The high light of my day was to be able to watch the ceremony of the flags, 21 gun salute and the honor of the two wreaths that were set upon the statue of the gun,boots and hat. I guess I should have taken pictures but I didn't. I felt to proud of these gentlemen and for our country. They did what they had to do to keep us out of harms way.

You know what makes me upset about all this? Tomorrow most people will go back to work and back to school, complaining that the weekend is over. Finals and graduations will be done in the next few weeks and until Labor day in September, the mention of Veteran will not be made. I for one am fortunate to have many family members who were in the service. I am grateful for what they had to endure for our freedom. We must continue to remember and support our Veterans...the ones here that served and the ones that are serving...
May we all keep them in our hearts, minds and prayers...Peace Out!!

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Beautiful Dreams

Come in the daytime. It has been so nice outside, that I have been spending time there. It's fun to watch the squirrels tease my cat. She doesn't know to climb the tree so they chatter at her and run up and down the main trunk. If I go in the backyard, the dogs can entertain just as good. Just watching how the interact with each other. It seems that animals always know what you need. They can cheer me up.
Another person who knows what you need is you. If you are able to stop and look deep into your conscience, soul, or psychic abilities you can find your real self staring back at you. We all know this and still choose to ignore it and go on being in misery. I finally decided to check into my reality and found a very sad, angry person. I've been praying and reading and learning more clearly what I am capable of.
I thank Heavenly Father for all he does for me. I also thank my step daughter for having the insight to know what I needed to face. It was tough but I will now do what I can to make me more pleasant to others around me...

Sunday, May 20, 2012

WOW It's my

Birthday... and it is a wonderful warm day...high was around 93 degrees out...but it felt like only ANYWAY...enough joking...
I had a wonderful time today. Got up a bit early for me and just visited with GW and his oldest was a nice chat... Then, I ate breakfast and took my morning medication. (you don't wanna know me without it...) and went out on the porch and chatted some more. I came back into the house and just vegged while checking messages and such on my phone. After I changed my clothes, Pop and I went out for a ride into the Friant/Millerton area. We then scoped on up to Auberry and turned back. We ended up on Hwy 41 and went up to Chukchanzi Casino... it's really a nice one...Indian casino's are allowed in CA... I wasn't paying attention to where we were until we actually parked. As we went inside, we saw the usual lights and games. Here, for those who don't know, they use only paper bills to play the games. I also heard that's true even in Nevada now. We didn't play but it was interesting how many people just kept putting their hardly earned money into the machines, only to watch it disappear into oblivion. We were content to find something to eat so I had a nice Chicken salad and GW ate roast and potaoes with veggies, I then splurged on a small milkshake and we sat there trying to get the energy to get up and go on...

As we left the Casino, I noticed how many people were there and it amazed me (though I shouldn't be shocked) how many people were there for just the slots and poker. What a waste of money. Of course, the Indian tribe was happy as was the ballfield in Fresno also named Chukchanzi, as I think they get a small cut as well. We made our way back to town and on home. I took up the computer and played a few games and took pictures of the Eclipse of the sun and moon...It was a fun day...

As I sit now and write this, I can think of a million things that were interesting today. The most was how I am grateful for my husband of 21 years and how much I love him. He is so patient with me and I just can't believe how blessed I am... I have learned a few things this last week that have made it necessary for me to evaluate my daily plan and I finally got busy. I am reading more scriptures and having prayer more often. I can't say I do it all the time, but I am sharing my feelings with my family and our Heavenly Father. I also am trying to keep more in touch with my spiritual side and trying to do what I can to help others. It is more rewarding than I ever knew.

As I said before and always will say. I love my family and friends. I also love my church and know without a doubt that it is true. I am always amazed at how God helps us when we make the effort to do his will. I know if I was truly to go into the life I should, I would be overwhelmed with his love and support, for as I just begin to do these things, he awards me even now. I will always be eternally grateful for my mate Gary and the love we share together. He finishes me and makes me feel whole. I love him with all my heart and soul, second only to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

Well, I make these notes in order to show how much I care for you. To be able to share my life and love with the public is a good thing, as long as I am willing to share my testimony...Each and every day I will.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Happy days are

Here again!! How awesome it is to see things settling down in my household. It's also great to see my family and friends get together and keep the spirit positive. I've noticed these last few days...or should I say last few weeks, that people have been together for support and prayers.
As we are all hit with struggles and problems, and who isn't now a days... I've also noticed a sharp increase in family and friend support online. I would guess it is because we share more of our lives online than ever before. For this I am grateful, yet somewhat worried. It is an awesome thing to see many lines of prayers for you and I'm thinking about you. I have learned that the one thing we shouldn't do is take on these problems. Keep your hearts light and just do as you promise...Pray and ask questions when you feel it is right. Some people share the situation and ask for help while others just need the prayer. It is good either way.

The only thing we need to be aware of is how hackers can take this information and use it against us. For instance, every time we start to put something in a post, have you noticed that the left side information changes at the hint of buzz words. For instance, if I start to write about Fibromyalgia, I begin to see information pop up on Fibromyalgia on the left side of the screen...Likes, sites and such pop up to show that at least Facebook is checking out the post. Sometimes, that can be a pain. So be careful what you share and be assured that I for one will not post or deliberately share something that is private. Usually, if I want to know more, I send a private message to the person involved or call them. It is much easier that way.

I am also grateful for the self addressed pole I took yesterday, on my glasses. I bought two pair, I use the bigger ones when online and in the house, everyone seemed to like my smaller rectangle glasses, thus those will be the public choice...unless of course, I change my mind. After all, I am a woman and that's my right!!.. I love that we can share our friendships online with people we are beginning to know even better. I know while I was in high school, most of the people I met I knew by name or look, but didn't really get to know them, perhaps for me it was because I was fairly new to Riverdale and we as a family hadn't established a relationship with  the town. Now, all our family is out of Riverdale but thanks to the stragglers of 30 years here in CA, we have developed a relationship where our name is recognized and thankfully for the good. Gaining relationships with family, close or distant has been a blessing as well. I am truly grateful for the ability to chat with my cousins that I haven't seen since we were all knee high to grasshoppers...back in the day you know? My last visit to Indiana and Kansas was in 1970 for the most of it, though I have been there a couple of times since, I didn't really get to visit most of the relatives. It will be fun to see them all again...I only hope to be able to do this fairly soon.

Making new friends is also awesome, this has been an eye opener for me as I have mostly been a to myself type of person. I've had the courage to branch out and share my likes and dislikes and find more people who are like me. Sometimes, it is hard to reach out and I simply just don't post much those days. But to know, that if I want, I can get in touch with more people, makes me feel more confident. I can only hope that I leave more of a positive taste on people's minds and thoughts. I guess it makes a difference huh?

Anyways, I do feel better today about this kind of thing. I feel grateful and full of warmth because I can decide for myself how I want to share my life from one day to the next. I am a bit crazy as I have mentioned before, but that is me...after all...who isn't?

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

"I'm mad as hell..."

A wonderful phrase that most people get upset about...I just don't get the promotion of subjects that are done now a days. I know I am going to piss off some people today with this blog, but I gotta say what I feel. Years and years of slow intoxication has happened in America and it is causing loss of faith for a lot of people or at least a compromise in their beliefs and standards.

I get it that we as human have our differences and feelings and such, but I just don't understand why this wonderful world can't tell the truth of how they feel. I am in fact skirting the subject that is on my mind.
I have and love my gay friends. We get along because of all the things we share in common from feelings and activities to other friends. What I don't like and that is happening on a lot of fronts is Government choosing who should marry who and why? I agree that the BLGT has a right to the same rights as the rest of the world, but I personally can't get with gay marriage. I guess I'm too old to change this view and it is the one that is bothering me right now.

 It is only one of many on my mind today, so I will continue.

What else bothers me more is the fact that Education is getting a back seat to finances. Strange how it is always the way. Seems that the only people who get a full education is the rich and fortunate few. From the time a child makes Kindergarten, the files begin and they make a big impression on how the child is treated over the years. I know from many examples of what I speak. I know that most teachers really care about their students and will do anything to get them what they need. When I see a commercial where 6 kids a day are kicked out of class just in the Fresno School District alone, I worry. I worry more when I watch the news and an important vote is up for grabs and only a hand full of parents show up in support... What does that say to the kids? Teachers are there to educate and the parents are supposed to be there for support. I know a lot of moms and dads do care how much their child learns. I have two daughters who exemplify their support of the education of their children. What I worry about is that someday, when their children want to advance their education to college level, how are they going to do it? I have one grandson that is going to go to a fine institution. He has been applying for grants, scholarships and the like. His parents are ambitious enough to help and support him as much as they are able. If he hadn't put out the effort in school to excel, he wouldn't be able to go.

Another thing that is getting on my nerves lately is the Political arena. Maybe I shouldn't travel here but, I just can't stand how they expect EVERYONE to believe the same way...If I want to believe in equal rights for all, then that is my right. I know that it sounds strange since I just put my feelings on gay marriage but, it is my feelings. I feel that everyone should be able to believe what they want without reprisal from the lefts or rights or even middles. I know that church and state are supposed to be separate but it seems that the Political arena wants to blend them together. That's not fair...It puts everyone on edge and causes a lot of anger. Sometimes, I think it would be wonderful if we could have church and state together but then I get to thinking, Which church is supposed to run this? Just the dynamics of thought makes it ridiculous to mix the two. A lot of people base their lives on religion and I am not saying this is wrong, far from it in fact. I personally base my life on God and how I believe. I try to be a good example of my beliefs and sometimes, I know I falter. I am not perfect. What bothers me is that some people think they are above the normal bearing of politics and can do what they want. They say that Obama is a Democratic Socialist. That he tends to want all things ran by the Government. They also say that Romney will try to run the Presidency through his religion (LDS) and use their format for the new profile of the Government. What I can't stand is how far apart the two sides have become, to the point that laws are not being passed to benefit the people of the country. They have us either spooked into thinking we can do it on our own or scared into thinking we must use the Government system or nothing else.

I know all these rants and raves are a part of personal conscience on my part. A way to express my frustration and my mental screaming for the day. I also know that I would support anyone for anything they believe if they are honest and sincere. I would support all those who want a marriage in spite of the fact that I don't believe in gay marriage. No one has the right to tell us what to do or not to do if it isn't a law. The fact that I know this and want to share it is a good thing. I just wish I could truly convey all I feel, but my mind is flooded and can't run properly. I know one thing for certain, I have my beliefs and you have yours. Let's not let the rest of the country ruin that for us....

Sunday, April 29, 2012

What a wonderful

Life?, World?, Day?... Wonder where I'm going here? I've noticed a lot of my Facebook friends start their posts with the beginnings of this phrase. What ever the answer is, it is positive... Or, is it negative?
For today's sake, it will be positive. Spring and fall bring out the best weather. We see the blossoms and greening of the earths crust. We get to enjoy the comfortable temperatures and the cool nights. God made his best work when he created this world and I for one am grateful for it.
Soon, we will get warmer and warmer, where as, the other side of the world will get cold and gray. Either way, the world is glorious.
We tend to take for granted the little things that were created. So much done by the hand of God, from the huge mountains and oceans to the smallest grain of sand. Everything has a reason for being and a limited existence even of a million years or more. This earth is the smallest line of time for our lives. Our biggest chore is to learn all we can and maintain our true relationship with God. For all of this, I am truly grateful.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Struggling today

I was so having a good day today...First in a while I guess when I got a post on facebook that I had to delete. It disturbed me because it attacked the two most important things in my life...My family and My church...
I guess I should be so upset but, I just had never received these types of things before from anyone. I've read a few and felt the hurt of them, but this one cut me to the core.
It was so much what it said, it was the anger I could feel behind the words that were said. Also, it was the hurt I felt for the person  that wrote it...This person doesn't really have all their faculties working properly if you know what I mean so, it hurt to see them putting so much harm to me. I deleted the post and blocked the person from my file. It hurts to know that my family had a few brief moments to see what he wrote and also others on my sight.
I have a bit of anger in my heart at the moment, like wanting to stomp this person into the ground. Heavenly Father always advised his people to never start an argument about their beliefs. It creates animosity and will never get people to understand what you believe. Evil is no way to gain an example of God's love. The spirit cannot enter an unclean mind or heart. I guess it's best that I saw that early so other's MAY not have seen it.

I can't change the fact that I saw it and was hurt. I can't feel what I mentally saw in my mind of how hurt this person must be. The derangement he/she has for the things he/she chooses to blame my family for. I only can hope and pray that someday, he/she will come to their senses and see what the real problem is. Mental health is a hard nut to crack. My depression and soft heart causes me to sympathize with their problems. It also makes me scared on how to handle a situation with them. I've met quite a few people who hurt in their minds and hearts. Heavenly Father has blessed me (or perhaps cursed me) with this incite. I suppose over time, I will learn how to handle this gift or curse and get me a chance to help them in some way.

I know my Heavenly Father loves me and will help me find the way to resolve the problem I personally have. I pray that I will be able to convey this to those I must cross paths with. May God give you good rest this night and a wonderful day tomorrow...

Monday, April 23, 2012

Hypocracy Is it rampant in the world?

Yes, it is.Everywhere you turn is the non-truth of things. The posts we see online, facebook and advertisements on TV, the computer and the radio (they still have those?). Living in this modern world, I have discovered that "nothing" is the biggest means of advertisement...such as "Nothing" works as well as Xantac or as fast as Bayer.  I would really like to get a hold of that 'nothing' wouldn't you? What they mean to say is that everything is the same and you should chose our product. It's a crock to think that 'nothing' does everything; yet, something is not anything.
Want to make this more confusing? Well, I can't...too confused to be able to totally confuse the rest of you. Anyway, it bothers me that people profess something they really don't like or believe merely for the attention they can get from it. Their 15 minutes of fame so to speak. It bothers me that people are not willing to be honest with themselves and state the truth. I personally am tired of all the lies spouted by the socially inept and opinionated people of this world. I may not know everything about anything. But, I know a pretty good amount about 'nothing'. That's my job; last to know and last to understand.

My feelings are thus, if you can do anything about nothing, then everything will be something. In other words, profess the truth. It is easier to do and you don't have to remember as much as you do when you lie. I guess the less you have to explain something, the more truth there is to it. All my life my parents taught me to respect your elders, teachers and the people of law enforcement to name a few. Lately, a lot of these types have shown up in the news under non-respectful actions. Depending on who you talk to, the situations are either totally despicable or no big deal. Now, if it was your child that was attacked by the teacher or coerced into doing something they shouldn't, you would have the offender in jail or waiting in front of the firing squad. If they are unknowns, they would be pushed under the rug and punished to the inth degree...If they are famous, they get ignored...or made infamous like Mr. Sheen to show an example. A total example of evil personified and the people 'love' him? If some unknown did the same thing he did, they would still be in jail. More and more people are compromising their beliefs or ideals to get into the popularity of their fame. Why should they be punished for doing something wrong, when they can proclaim that they did 'nothing' that anyone else wouldn't do.

Crazy how that happens huh? I don't think that there should be more punishment for the same crime, but I do think that punishment should be done to those who do wrong. It's hard to watch people get away with robbery and murder and other sick crimes that seem to be on the rise. I know that lack of conscience is the biggest flaw that is showing up today. Parents over the last few generations are doing less and less to teach their children responsibility for their actions and compromising their own beliefs to keep from 'hurting' their children...It does hurt inside when you punish a child, even if it isn't yours. My nieces and nephews and even my grandsons know I love them, but I have never deliberately spared the punishment when it was needed. I don't like being the bully, but sometimes I have to do it. I am still loved by my family.
All I want to know is this? Do you really think that 'nothing' is better than something and that everything can be solved by anything? Well, I guess if anything, I can say..."Nothing" is better than what I wrote...absolutely "nothing"...

Friday, March 16, 2012

Do I or don't I?

Not feeling so certain about what to write, the author sits and meditates in her favorite lounge chair. Actually, it is the only lounge chair in the room and it has been consigned to her. No one else sits in it but maybe the man in her life. Anyway, she sits and wonders what she can amaze or bore people with in her literary way.. Having the ability of whit and charm (yeah right!), she begins to realize that she is just rambling on and on.

Maybe a subject will appear out of all this she thinks suddenly. Like "I could actually tell how we all do that in our daily lives." She thinks almost out loud. How many times do you just sit and think in a rambling way? I personally am either blessed or cursed with this affliction. I tend to mentally plan out what I want to accomplish and then, after some thought, I tend to just start thinking of something else. Lately, I've been having a lot of medical appointments for my health and welfare. Throw in a weekly visit or two to the Physical Therapist for a bad shoulder and you get one confused (Like I needed the help here) gal. Pretty soon, I started to actually keep a schedule of the visits, setting them up in my IPad and marking them with an alarm. Good idea right? It would be if I was ever around WIFI when it was time for the alarm to go off and had the IPad with me... So, that idea went to the wayside also.

The next idea was to put a copy of all the appointments on the refrigerator and keep tabs on them that way. So far, it seems to be working..As long as I remember to take down the old ones. Now, to organize my thought and other such sundry things. I started with my pictures...Yes, I have well over 5,000 pictures on 3 items in my possession. The duplicates were astronomical to say the least. So I downloaded the pictures on my phone and IPad into my computer. I then spent mindless hours categorizing them and making a merry mess of the whole thing. Actually, after much time, I had them organized and began to create a Pinterest sight of my likes and such. I even made categories there too. Crazy as it sounds, I now have people who like my pictures and are sharing them with their friends.

I also have created sites that are for telling what I do and how I feel...thus, 2 blogs and 4 different 'pages' in Facebook. It seems to help me keep it together. Yes, the sites or pages are intermixed at times to stress a point of some kind and to assist people in understanding the confused mind of a deranged lady. (OK, I think that's in a description somewhere).

None the less, the accomplishments seem to be going hand in hand with the emotional and physical improvements that seem to be happening in my life. Who knew? Well, enough of this rambling on today. Maybe tomorrow, I'll organize my closet!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Confused and Determined...

Today, I made a comment that "I will NO longer drink Diet Dr Pepper or any other soda. I have been very weak up to this point. I have been thinking of all the things I need to do in order to be totally prepared for the Bariatric Surgery coming up. I have a couple of tests I need to take and then a seminar to attend..Not to mention a Phychic Evaluation to complete. I have been feeling frustrated because I want to get this done, and at the same time, I don't want to quit some of the foods that I eat and drink. Yes, I WILL stop doing these things because I know it is better for my health and also better for my emotional well being also. Jan is the first and only person I have to please. Jan is the one who needs to know she is worth this goal she has challenged herself with. Jan will accomplish this goal and go on to the next one...Keeping in mind that I cannot change my mind after surgery...

Once I obtain this, what is next for me? A better outlook on myself and my life...I may be using lent to accomplish the commitment portion of this goal...but by Golly, I will do the best and the only thing I can do...BE A CHEERLEADER TO MYSELF..I CAN , I WILL, I MUST do this...With that being said, I am now finished with this post.