The only way you can find how I REALLY feel

Check here if you want to see my complaints, problems and solutions...cuz I is one crazy lady...

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Literary Genius? Maybe...

"Budget genius? Nope! I've made too many stupid mistakes in the budgetary line to claim to be a genius. In fact, I am far from it. We have been living in default for a few months now. I guess it's time to clean up our act." 

Sounds like something that could be said in politics now a days. Perhaps it should be said there. Just take their time and forget the hinges of "Obamacare" and any other excuse they chose to hang out for us. I mean both sides. What would it be if the healthcare issue wasn't there? Could they bring up another reason for stopping the budget crisis? Maybe or maybe not. Who knows! I couldn't guess, but seeing as they use pity reasoning, I suppose it could happen again.

I understand how they feel. I also know what it's like not to have healthcare with medical issues. It's a toss up. Both ways you pay for it. I saw a news story where people were giving their view of how things are with the Government shutdown. I noticed that the ones who didn't care had really expensive suits and fancy dresses on, where as the ones who were upset work everyday work clothes. This doesn't run along party lines nearly as much as it runs along money lines.

Yes, Tea-toting Republican portion have temporarily won. Yes, they have their way...but only 10% of the people in the U.S. of A support this way of resolution. The other 90%? Well, I guess we don't matter much. The big money people are happy so I guess that's all that matters.

Look... I'm not an advocate for free bees or for giving people everything they need. We all must learn to be self sufficient. It's the way this life was started here in America and for those who honestly can provide for themselves, they should. I'm not saying that we should let others starve, but we shouldn't let the unfortunate ( brought on by manners beyond their control), be it health issues or joblessness; go without. At least the basics of clothing, food and shelter. The lazy and greedy should also get what they deserve. I am no judge and it's not up to me but, having the true vision of God's plan makes it plain and simple to me. "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" is a much better way of handling things. There are countries who have much less than we have and we are more willing to hand them what they need and I am grateful to help when I can. Perhaps we should treat this situation as a disaster because it really is one. More people are suffering due to lack of good health and joblessness than ever. I wouldn't be a bit surprised if it was worse than in the 1930's. God helps those who help themselves and he also taught us the concept of Charity never Faileth... You don't chose to follow God when it's convent and you don't decide what you think God will do. He's there for all of us. He doesn't say he won't be there if my opinion is different than yours...

Back to the first paragraph. It's my life. I know I have to do more to improve things and we as a couple are working on it. If writing a bit of personal information about my life put s a new perspective on things, then that's what I gotta do.

Monday, June 24, 2013

Sometimes things are not what they seem to be.

Most of the time, they are. Today, as I read through the many G+ and FB posts, I'm discovering a common theme. Everyone seems to be sharing something I am interested in. I know that's more of an obvious statement than I meant, but Im not sure how to explain it. Maybe a bit of background might help.

It started this morning with me sharing some information that was happening in the local area, blackouts, and accidents. I heard from people who don't even live close to here on this. I know it sounds normal to you, but I'm not usually one to gain much attention on these social networks. I am usually a follower and tend to agree with or protest against something shared or said. Today, I feel like sharing. 

One thing I like to share is my family pictures. Though I am limited somewhat on who's picture I show, I do share what I can. I also like to share pictures expressing my feelings, like the sea, land shots, animals and cars and so many other things. I like to share ideas and my religious outlook on life. I like to share prayers and encouragement to my friends, family and others in need or in thankfulness. I like to show people what I love, am proud of, emotional for and especially, how I feel.

I like to share my freedom of expression, something that seems to be closing inward everyday. I wish we could be honest and forthright about how we feel. I know that lately, there is a fear of Uncle Sam following us a bit too closely, afraid that we will share how we feel about something questionable. It's hard also to share feelings when people tend to be too quick to criticize what is said or shared. I wish that sometimes, people would see for what a person has to say. Seriously examine both sides of an issue and then make decisions. When we randomly make statements without checking the facts, we put ourselves into a bad situation. Its something that shows ignorance and lack of understanding. I don't mean we have to agree with the statement, I just mean we can try to understand why it is made. I know for instance that Mr. Snowden worked for the NSA, therefore, he shouldn't reveal the information that he did. Yet, at the same time, is it really fair that we shouldn't know our rights may be violated..privacy, information and such! How do we deal with this? He gets punished for violating his company's policy. Yes, but also maybe there needs to be a more forthright policy in what is public and what is private. 

I guess we as a country are still free and able to express ourselves, but we must look out. We don't want to end up having our freedoms and independence taken away. I know in these trying times, we can expect our actions to be questioned, but let's hope that some of the answers will be kept private.

Saturday, May 18, 2013

My mind...does it count?

Since I've had a lot on my mind lately, it seems too crowded considering how it works. So here goes to uncloud. 

I had an awesome day yesterday walking around the block with Gary and Cee Cee. She tends to strain at her leash so I am going to teach her how to walk correctly. I am working on her manners and socialization skills. It will take time, but I digress...( told you the mind is clouded). We walked at a good pace which is good for me. I'm so glad to have started my walking up finally on a regular basis.

Another thing we did was go to the Pismo Store Outlet. We checked so many places out and I found a few places that I may frequent when I get to my "fighting weight" so to speak. Nicer clothes that flatter me more and some shoes and trinkets... So nice to have new things. Not to brag, but just to be able to change my wardrobe around. Get word...

Other things on my mind are paying off all the bills when Pop's case is FINALLY over with the VA. Gosh it's been over 3 years since that began. We should be hearing or seeing something soon. I sure hope so. 

We finally found our church this week so should be going tomorrow. I really appreciate that we are finally getting settled in more. I told Gary that I still feel like I'm on vacation. It doesn't feel real yet. I guess when my routine becomes established, then I can finally settle into it.

We have started to explore the area somewhat so, it's really neat. From mountains to the ocean. Today, we are going to Napomo and a small garage sale here in town. Gonna take Cee Cee with us. 

Well, I'm still jumbled up mind wise so I will collect my thoughts on another post here. Have a nice day!!  Some of my boys below... Kyvon, Pop and Tristan...

Monday, April 22, 2013

Feelings today.

I am overwhelmed with love and sadness. I am truly excited about the move coming up within the next two weeks. Sad to miss special friends and happy to know prayers can be answered.

First... I am so ever grateful for all the friends I've made here in Fresno. We've had a lot of years here and I'm gonna miss seeing my friends. I've learned bunches while living here and met a lot of beautiful people. What I like best is that through technology and determination, I can keep in touch with most of them. I think I will miss Juan and Lori Avila the most. I remember the first day I met Lori. Almost 25 years ago, I came into the Purchasing Dept at the VA and interviewed for a job that I eventually got. I sat in front of her desk and knew right away we would hit it off. It's kind of rough to even write this. Since then, we have hung out with her through her loss of Richard Moore to a heart attack, meeting her kids and grandkids and me getting married to Gary. Finally, to her meeting Juan and getting married. My struggles with my kids and grandkids and just watching our families grow and enjoying each other. No other friend has affected me the way Lori has. We are complete opposites in some ways. She was raised in a town outside of Detroit Michigan and still follows their sports teams. True blue all the way. I'm gonna miss how we could visit and just hang out. Chatting about most anything. What was the best is the annual Super Bowl games, cheering for one team or the other and betting on final scores.everyone has had a chance to win... I'm gonna miss you the most girl.

Secondly... I am truly grateful that I was able to improve my life by meeting Gary, changing my health habits and getting closer to my church. I've known that Gary is truly inspired when he makes wise decisions. We've made some mistakes and we do pay for them, but mostly I am grateful for his love, patience, care and especially his understanding of my health. We care very much for each other and I know Heavenly Father led me to him at the right time. We have been married 22 years now... I am also grateful to his girls for making a special effort for us to be together on the coast. For Kim who made the ultimate sacrifice by sub letting her place so we could move and to Mel for getting things together for herself and Tristan. I'm grateful for my grandsons and soon to be grand daughter. I'm grateful for Nate and Mari who adopted us as "grandparents" to their small family of two.

I am especially grateful for the gospel and how it has changed my life for the better. Though I struggle to attend each week, I know that for me the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS) is true. I know I've met good people here because of it and I will miss them truly. I know that God loves me and wants what is best for me. I know that this opportunity to live on the coast is the best I've ever gotten. I've always wanted to live on the coast.

Last but not least, I'm gonna miss my Punkyn Pye. She can't come with us and I pray that we can find her a new forever family to live with...Cee Cee came back into our lives just in time. She can't replace Punkyn, but she can fill the void somewhat by just being who she is...

Yes, Fresno served its purpose as did all the previous places have. Who knows, we might even end up back here again, though I hope not...

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Everything is relative

It's like that Kevin Bacon game, whatever that is. Everything comes back to the same start. After all, how could it be different? Just consider all the situations being felt around your life, around the world... Seems nothing changes so much as not to be predictable. The same trials, the same feats and yet, we learn nothing as we continue to fumble our way through life. The big shots get bigger, the nut jobs get nuttier and they all blame everyone for something that nobody did. Who is this nobody? Why it's you and me. We need to learn by our mistakes and go on, but too many people have not been taught responsibility.

As I ramble on, I realize that no matter how I put it, someone will be offended. Today?, I don't care too much about that because I feel it's important for us all to own up to the bad as quickly as we do the good... On that thought, doing good can be done modestly by not saying anything at all.

Quickly learn to accept our faults and fallacies and go on to change things for the better. I'm hoping for the rest of my life to be a better person, to share my good times and bad times. To smile when I want to cry and to share when I feel greedy. If we can retain anything, I would love to retain a memory of my good days and learn from the tough ones.

Let's just do what we can to share love and laughter, joy and cheeriness. Do what you can to retain your ups and downs and lets stick this Kevin Bacon thing out of the future and learn to change predictability

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Fibromyalgia - The invisible hell

The last couple of days, I've been dealing. With a flare up. Hurts like crazy. It doesn't help that the weather is changing from day to day. My wrists and ankles are the worst. They settled Down while I took a nice warm shower only to flare even worse. Today, it is making me feel kinda upset and depressed. That has been a rare feeling for me as I do my best to stay positive. I need to get praying more. It's just hard to keep up a pretense so if I am frustrated, I am purely frustrated. I can't blame it on anyone else, nor would I intentionally do so. Heaven Father makes me feel better and also, knowing that I hurt, my baby girl, Punkyn Pye helps me to feel better.

Patience is a good thing. Today, I am doing what I can to make things better. I only wish at this moment, that I didn't have this problem. Grouchy and irritable and staying out of testy conversations today. No one else has to feel the way I feel nor do they have to incur my wrath because of it. I hope you understand that I'm not like this everyday and that most of the time I am a happy person. Just be patient with me as I will come out of this soon...... I hope!

Thursday, February 14, 2013

I love today

I just sent some messages out to people I don't even know. It's funny as I write this I feel the spirit so strongly. I am humbled to know and know of people who struggle through life and through determination and courage, they accomplish miraculous things. I want you all to know that I have given my problems over to God and because of this, I don't feel the anger and frustration of the daily pressures of life. Yes, I want to move but it's more a lack of patience than anger that drives me.

People who don't understand some situations don't feel what I am talking about. I don't always make it to church, but my mine and heart are on Jesus Christ and the sacrifice most of the time. With the reminders from my wonderful family and friends on FB, I can keep my heart in a good place most of the time.

I am grateful for my church (LDS) and I know for me, it's true. I also know that all that I've been taught and what I am going through in life is for my benefit. I love my family and will be ever so grateful for the blessings I receive everyday. I love writing how I feel and I love seeing how diverse I seem to be...

Thank you for reading my blog and just letting me share some of myself with you. I'm truly humbled to have so much and appreciate all that I have...thank you u all...

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Living la vida loca

Or am I? It's a possibility that I could be. I've been brightening up my life with colors, many colors... Sticking mainly to pink and purple. I guess because of so many years of blues and solid colors, I've been gravitating to a happier field. I love it...crazy stuff. I just felt it should be noted as I just realized it was progressing that way. Another progress is that Gary is having a harder time driving at night. It scared me and Dad last night, so I took over and brought us home.

Two changes happening at the same time. Strange as it seems I guess I will accept the possibilities of these things and just keep enjoying my life. It has been a busy last few weeks. I went to Dodi and Brian's wedding and it was really fun. Suzie was so happy and I was really proud that Dodi found a very awesome guy. Debi, on the other hand is dealing with some problems. With a future of questionable availability of seeing her children, it will be a tough call. The divorce is final as of Monday, February 4th... She does have a new beau and he seems ok, though I hope neither one is rebounding from the problems they are having with their perspective former spouses. It's crazy...

This last month has seemed unreal in some ways. I still feel as if this isn't really happening. I know we are moving, but it feels like a dream yet. Well, since this whole thing seems sorta random, I'll try to write with more since next time... For today? This is how I ya.

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Needing some respite

From the last couple of days. It bothers me that some people think they need full control of everyone's life. In this case, at the expense of everyone else. It bothers me that some people do not take responsibility for their own actions. It bothers me that they can't be nice. It bothers me that they pit their children against others because of anger from failure. It doesn't surprise me however that they fail.

Sometimes, people make decisions based on here say and anger. I know that Heavenly Father takes this hard just as I do, but he is able to help me and others go on. I can only hope that the main parties involved here can move on with their lives. Too bad it has to be suffering and hurt. I know I may be chastised for this blog, but if I don't say what I feel here, I may stick my neck into a noose and get hung later.

Please know that I love all of you and it hurts me that you hurt and made some not so good decisions. Understand also, that it hurts a lot of people when you practice anger and frustration because you don't get your way. Understand that my decisions are mine and DO NOT punish others for this. I offer my feelings on my sleeve because that is how I deal with things. It's my way of coping with life, rather than hanging on for a lifetime. I do know and understand your feelings, but I don't understand you taking it out on your kids. You thinks you are punishing the adults here, but the kids will feel it the most.

My life will go on, but my sister and her family will suffer from a few moments of decision and blame. I do not condone anyone's behavior here and I hope that some day, you will see that there are two sides to every situation. I'm not sharing this with everyone because I do not want an attack of any kind to happen as the result of me having an opinion on something. I hate that the young ones have no say in what happens.

Just remember, all parties will hurt and feel the frustration with this and that no one escapes the results of their hastily made decisions.... Love you all very much.....Jan